


Collection of Crackfics

by SugerCat



Category: Ice Age (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22743379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugerCat/pseuds/SugerCat
Summary: You haven't read Ice Age like this before ;)
Kudos: 1





	Collection of Crackfics

Diego sat next to his partner and tried to collect himself one last time. What he wants to tell her is not easy for him. Not even his best friends knew about it and together they have endured some tough things.

"So my childhood was really beautiful." The male saber tooth turned away from the light so that his face was in the shadow.

"Nice for you." Shira couldn't think of anything else.

"Then one day this charismatic and well-built saber-toothed tiger named Soto came up to me and asked 'Do you want to join us?' And I was stupid and said, of course. I was also in my rebellious phase. I now wish I hadn't done this."

"You didn't know better and I know what group pressure can do to you." She tried to comfort him.

"Yes, two years ago I was just inexperienced. Mommy and Daddy were very sad when I left the cave at 38. They even threw gift stones after me.”

"Exactly, you... Wait?! We are four years together.” Remarked the silver-haired tigress thoughtfully.

“And in the beginning I thought it was so great to be a bad saber tooth. Soto and I were the best buddies. For nights we giggled and exchanged stories and shared some loot. The others were always jealous when we did bad stuff alone. But for what price? For what price, Shira?!” Diego asked desperately.

"I dont know. Stop shaking me!"

"We did such bad things. I hardly dare to tell them. We trampled on daisies when the tender and young things had hardly bloomed. We stole old winter stocks of nuts from some rodents and exchanged them for fresh stuff. I will never forget those cruel screams we listened to. 'Oh, the stuff is much better than I remember' and 'It also tastes better'. Shira these things haunt me in my dreams. I know it was wrong, but it always gave me the state of euphoria. But somehow I miss them a little. I miss..Soto. Sotoooo!” He threw himself dramatically on the floor. Suddenly a saber tooth joined them.

"Well, what's going on here?" Diego’s ex inquired. So his ex-pack leader. Of course, they had no intimate relationship or anything.

"Oh by my soft fur! Soto, is it really you?” He couldn't believe his worsening eyes.

"Yes, I came back and it was only because of you." Soto explained with a loving grin.

"Why can I partially see your bones?" Diego noticed new details on the other, while his wife wallowed unsanitary in their winter supply. Diego didn't think it was very nice that she was also lying on his shell pile. But first he took care of their guest.

"I'm a zombie now, so my kisses will taste a little like rotten meat. Problem with that?” Asked the deceased pack leader with hope in his pale and dead eyes.

"Not in the slightest." He couldn't help but grin sheepishly and walk closer to Soto. It was so long ago.

* * *

Three animals observed the rather unsightly behavior of Diego, who was anything but himself right now.

"So how long... let's say he's licking the stone?" Manny wanted to know, because the worried saber-toothed tigress had called him for safety.

"He came here and said he wanted to explain something to me. After that, he only spoke vaguely.” Shira described the events.

"Ewww..uhm. He probably thinks you are the oddly shaped rock.” Sid tried to do his part because he had come here too, otherwise he would have had to clean up at home.

"Oh, Soto..." Diego moaned more than audibly.

"We would have answered this question then." Shira said and thought it over, but did not say anything.

"Then that's your fault, Sid." The mammoth announced, because he knew better.

"What? Why always me?” The sloth asked and pulled his paws off his butt where he was just scratching himself.

"Because you absolutely had to make your special marinade on the grilled fish." Manny reminded his buddy and he knew beforehand that it smelled funny.

"Hey, that's Grandma's favorite recipe! She always uses it if... Oh!” Sid must have thought of something.

"Sid!" With this, a trunk hit a head again.

"Sorry Shira. Maybe your saber tooth is a tiny bit... well ... high." The lazy animal whispered when he realized what his grandmother was doing.

"Oh no thing, Sid. If that's just that, then you don't need to worry about him. It's probably his first trip, they're all a little strange there.” The tigress took it easy.

"You know your way around there?" Because Manny was irritated.

"Naturally. Gutt kept taking seaweed in and I always secretly branched something off. What do you think why I'm always so calm all day long? I always get something here from Buck. The stuff grows best in the warm Dino area.” Shira said and also thought about taking something in. But afterwards her boyfriend vomits up in the cave if she is not careful and she will not lick it up herself.

"I thought you had a relationship." Sid let his thoughts out.

"Rule number one, you don't do anything with your dealer." She explained clearly, because the pirate captain did so and often only got the mixed material for the same full price. Also you shouldn't be high when you deal.

"Ok, no further questions. Or at all.” Manny decided to leave the cave again and thought that the way to here was in vain.


End file.
